Gifted Children
15 08 2008
We have all heard, read about or even met children who are deemed as “gifted”. The smarty-pants are the ones who will likely ace all subjects in school without really trying. Then there are the little sports titans who can run faster than Speedy Gonzales, or own golf handicap numbers that match their young ages. Not forgetting the musical prodigies who can play Mozart before their legs could reach the pedals of the piano. Last but not least, there are the spiritually gifted ones who are often referred to as indigo, crystal or rainbow children.
If you are a parent of a gifted child, I am sure you are a very proud parent. Hey, who wouldn’t be? My kids are not prodigies - not by my definition, at least - and I’m already so proud of them. 
I have met parents of gifted children and there are usually two distinct types. Type A parents are the ones who believe that their children are “elite” beings, trophies of their family’s good genes who deserve to be treated like royalty. Type B parents are the ones who do not quite know how to handle their little geniuses, and tend to worry about not being able to provide them with the right resources for optimum growth of their potentials.
Here’s my personal take on handling gifted children … from the perspective of a parent and a spiritual worker. To Type A parents, I say - hold that thought! That’s a lot of credit that your ego is claiming from the gifts of your child. While your kids may inherit your genes at the physical level, their thoughts, feelings and souls - and maybe their gifts - are their own. I have met little sprinters whose parents could barely walk ten steps without huffing and puffing! What disturbs me the most is seeing how some of these gifted children become brats of the world. Having great gifts do not mean anything until they are used wisely for the greater good. As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children (gifted or not) the right values and hopefully raise them to be good and unselfish people. By all means - love your kids, be proud of them - but refrain from using them to feed your ego. They have special gifts because they have big missions in life to fulfill, and as parents we should help them fulfill their life purposes … not turn our own dreams into their missions. Gifted children can become powerful beings - powerfully good, or powerfully bad. Let’s not waste those precious talents.
To Type B parents, I say - worry not. I guess depending on your own belief system, you may or may not agree with me, but here’s what I think. Every soul incarnates with an agenda - that’s why we all have life lessons! We chose our parents before birth, and our children chose us. Why? Well there are probably a gazillion answers to that question, but I think the sum of it all is about growing and learning. Often it’s not just about the growth of the child … it’s also about our growth with him or her. They picked us as parents because we are the “perfect” ones to do the job - yes, “perfect” with all our imperfections! So if you’re worried that you’re not psychic nor rich nor smart enough … stop. If they need to “struggle” with what’s apparently “lacking” in order to grow to their full potential, then that’s how they chose it to be. As parents, our job is to love, guide and support them to our best abilities. Focus on what you can give your child, not what you cannot. Let him or her feel the energy of abundance from you, not the energy of lack. If you don’t have money but you have a lot of love to give, then shower that abundance of love on your child. If he or she is destined for great things in life, that energy of abundance will definitely help.
I was looking for a book that could help explain spirituality to older children or teenagers in a way that’s easy to understand and fun to read. I found it - a book titled “Looking Beyond - A Teen’s Guide To The Spiritual World”, written by James Van Praagh. Here’s what I like about the book:
- It is spiritual, not religious.
- It is easy to read and comprehend - there are nice illustrations throughout the book that break the monotony of text. While it is spiritual in nature, it does not make you feel like you’re reading a witch’s manual.
- It talks about “grown-up” stuff, like the law of attraction (in the book, it’s referred to as the magic of your mind) and how to tap into your intuition (referred to as hunches or “that funny feeling” in the book).
- It is empowering for kids/teenagers who are seeking directions in their young lives. It teaches them about being authentic, and explains how ego may sometimes lead to not-so-good choices in life.
Click on the book for more details. Enjoy! 
Blessings,
Irene
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Irene,
I don’t think my children are prodiges either. Am I proud of them? I don’t really know but I sure think the world about them because of how much they mean to me. I also do not catch myself “showing” them off or anything, not at least academically.
Still, I cannot say that I do not want them to do well or at least, average. I don’t ask that they get all As in school but that they do their best. I think it is important for them to know that they should never give up, even when a subject is difficult.
But I sure do recognise the type of parents whom you’ve described in this post. Some of my friends happen to be like that. They live their dreams through their kids and that is why they push them to work so hard and to excel in activities and not just for exams.
I also pretty much agree that it is important to shower our kids with love. My personal spiritual journey has revealed that it is the intent of my Soul to reconnect with theirs. Abundance is the experience that I’ve gained through them. The joy is immense, just by being near these tiny beings!
Thanks for the recommedation for the book. I know I’d need it one day when they get older!
Evelyn
Hi Evelyn,
I believe all parents will want their kids to do well in life.
The thing that concerns me is how some parents elevate their children’s status to “sainthood” because of their natural born talents, then banish others to a status of “lesser beings”. I have personally heard a father tell his gifted son to stay away from some of his friends in school, because they’re “not special” like him and it’ll be a waste of time to play with them … and I think the boy bought in to that idea! This egoism rubs off on the child and feels unhealthy to me.
As a society-proclaimed gifted child, there is a little something right about the father you are writing about Irene. When a child has certain abilities, associating with others that will bring that child down can actually bring the gifted child to feel unmotivated and waste their gift. Now don’t get me wrong, I disagree with the father keeping his child away from others who are “not special”, but to some degree, all parents must protect their children from negative outside influences especially at young ages.
When talking about gifted children, everybody has their own gifts. I do not buy into the idea that some children are gifted and others are not. Everybody has their own special talents (maybe not inborn talents, but all the same). A gifted child’s talents are ones that are easily found through academics, music, athletics, typical things that children pursue. But, academically gifted children should not interact with children that cause problems in classrooms, are not motivated, and generally do not care about the future. I know this is a lot to put on a child, but I’ve seen too many brilliant young people waste their life because of the people that they called their friends.
I was brought up exactly the same as any other child, but academics just came easier for me than nearly everybody else. I did not have the motivation from my friends that I could have had if I had associated more with the other students in my gifted class. Even though I graduated valedictorian of my high school class of 280, when I arrived in college, I felt much less prepared than nearly everybody in my class. But, if my associations were with other students that had vast amounts of knowledge, I believe I would have been more prepared. Just a thought.
“As parents, our job is to love, guide and support them to our best abilities. Focus on what you can give your child, not what you cannot. Let him or her feel the energy of abundance from you, not the energy of lack.” — this says it so well Irene. Our job as parents isn’t to live through them, but to love and nurture them in their own growth.
Also, when touching upon love vs. money - I think love wins every time. Money just doesn’t buy you what love can. Sure, maybe they won’t have all the latest toys, or go to all the cool summer camps. But to feel loved - what is better than that.
HI consciousmerican,
I’m glad you brought up these points in your comment, because I do agree with you. Protecting children from negative influences is definitely a key responsibility of parents! My concern covers a different aspect - when parents are actually the negative influence. There is indeed a very fine line between protection and being egoistic. The father I mentioned earlier was stopping his boy from playing with good kids who were above average in their studies. They just didn’t go to the same gifted class as the boy. Perhaps if the father had explained his reason the way you did, that might have been a much better way. But brushing these good kids off as “not special” and “a waste of time”? That feels different to me. Even if he did that to protect his boy, there’s really no need to put other good kids down.
I second your thoughts on everyone having their own gifts.
Some may be more obvious than others though, and may require some “special handling”. Again I’m saying this from a different perspective from what you’ve mentioned. I do spiritual work and have met children who are able to “see” things, and some families do struggle a little with this gift.
Thanks for sharing and for stopping by!
Hi Lance,
Love does transcend many things.
I don’t come from a rich family, and I recall very few material things in my childhood. What I DO remember though, is the love from my parents, and feeling that they gave me all that they could. To me, that’s priceless and I feel so blessed.
Great post! Now I see why you are gifted with two kids ^_^
We need more lightwork for the young — there really seems to be big change happening there.
Hi Irene: This is very interesting. I read somewhere that if you want to discover your purpose or life mission you should look at what your mother’s and father’s life was about. Your life mission should be at the point where their life purposes intersect. I agree that people should be very careful about not trying to live out what they missed through their children–each child is their own person and not a continuation of the parents, like another limb–but do you agree that perhaps children are meant to pick up where their parent’s life missions left off?
Hi Akemi,
Thank you! My girls are indeed my biggest gifts.
Yes I feel there are big changes happening for the young too, so let’s all try to make these changes as positive as possible.
Hi Marelisa,
There’s probably no right or wrong answer here.
I do agree that we can gain a lot of insights on our own life purposes by looking at what our parents’ lives are about. There are parents who inspire their children so much that they do carry on the legacies of their parents’ missions, but there are also kids who grew up telling themselves that they will never want to be like their parents.
I feel our life purposes must resonate with who we really are and want to be - if they are aligned to our parents’ purposes, great! If not, then I feel parents need to be open to the dreams and aspirations of their children and help guide them to achieve their highest goals. Someday, I would like to hear my kids say, “I feel great doing this, and I’m glad my parents are supportive”, as opposed to, “I’m doing this for my parents, and I don’t want to disappoint them”. If they want to be like me, that should be a conscious choice, not a burden.
In the end, seeing our kids grow up as good, responsible, loving, happy and successful individuals, in their own ways, is probably part of the life purpose of a parent.
Hi Irene,
Great advice and insights. I honestly believe, professionaly and personally that my children are gifted but instead of stressing or fawning over them, I let them be. In time they will discover their own greatness and in their own terms.
Hi Chris,
Thank you. You are a great father … that shows up pretty clearly through your blogs.
Irene, perhaps there could be a type C parent in your classification scheme: C for charmed and capable. Charmed enough to let their children learn and grow at the their own pace and capable enough to secure support as necessary.
Christopher
Hi Christopher,
Thanks for stopping by! I have missed out a few classifications in my post, and I’m sure there are Type C parents out there (bless them!). I’m glad you helped to chip in and describe Type C: “C for charmed and capable”. Wow! I love that!
I so enjoy this from the book “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Hi spaceagesage,
That was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for sharing.
I was diagnosed as a “gifted child” years ago. My parents remained unfazed, chose to ignore it and raised me like a “normal” child. I think they made the right choice.
Hi Vered,
You have cool parents! I think it takes a lot of love for parents to be able to put aside their egos and raise their children the “right” way.
Hi Irene,
You’ve hit on a great point. Gifted or not, children need to be raised with morals, ethics, good behavior and manners. Although they may have special talents, when they arrive in the real world, it will only be tougher for them if they’re treated as special/above others.
I love the poem SpaceAgeSage shared. I remember reading that years ago. The words are timeless.
Hi Barbara,
Totally agree with you! Yes the poem is lovely isn’t it?
“Type A parents are the ones who believe that their children are “elite” beings, trophies of their family’s good genes who deserve to be treated like royalty.”
I hate seeing this, it makes me cringe. Parents trying to better themselves against each other based on what their children can or can’t do is ridiculous in my opinion.
Great post!
Hi Glen,
Thanks! It makes me cringe too. I feel sad when I think how some Type A parents are actually treating their other children - the “non-gifted” ones - differently from the “star”. Parents should be able to see the gifts in every child they have, and love each one for who he/she truly is.
Thanks for the book recommendation, Irene.
Wise words that would be very beneficial for parents to integrate into their lives.
You’re welcome Ariel.
Sometimes parents do love their children so much and forget that they are really individuals with their own life purposes. I just hope we can turn this love into support and not a burden.